• Sagi Sagara

Rampant Thoughts

This is going to be a bunch of just random, mad crazy thoughts that I needed a place to keep them and decided I would keep it all this way as a hopefully safe keeping thing.


I believe I won't get to where I am today without some bruises and bumps along the way...


I think my definition of self-worth has transformed over the years.

If I was asked this maybe 2 or 3 years ago...I would have come up with a completely different thing.

I think in the last year...in my opinion self-worth is the ability for us to respect ourselves.

For us to be able to love ourselves and also accept ourselves.

And I think oftentimes...younger people think...okay my self-worth is defined by my achievements.

But if we're constantly looking outwards and defining our self-worth based on other people's acknowledgement or...

Other people's, I guess definition of what is good and bad...what is successful and what is unsuccessful...

We're never gonna be happy...


So I think in the last month...I realized that at least for me that my self-worth is defined by being able to accept, respect, and love myself....

And that's when you can truly feel whole and content...


I then ask...why is accepting imperfections so hard?

I think my generation falls victim for this because we're the generation most tied to technology...

Due to social media...uhmmm...I don't know...I feel like the bench mark has been raised even higher to the point where it's unreal...


And lots of people, my friends including myself feel like we have to aspire to look that way...or to reach that much success and it's just unreasonable because we all know what we post on social media is just a facade...obviously as individuals including myself what I post on social media is purely I'm showing the world the good side to life...


So if you're trying to get to know me based off of my social media, you're not gonna know who I am at all.

Because that's maybe like 10% of my entire life...this is another reason I stop posting on Instagram too...


I think it's so hard for people to see imperfections because we're constantly being sold perfections.

I mean that's how the market works...

Because I feel whatever items you're buying on the market...they're monetizing off of our desires to want something that we don't have.

Because at the end of the day, we have to remember...our needs and our wants are two completely different things.


I need shelter. I need food. I need some money in order to survive. I need a cellphone to communicate but I don't need an apple 10, 11, or 12...or I don't need some branded clothes to wear.

Those are my wants, I guess...


What advertising agencies are doing so well is making us believe that we need whatever they're selling us. And in this case in the world we live in today, they're constantly telling us that what we have is not enough and therefore we become unhappy because we feel we're lacking something. We are constantly being fed the ideas that we are not enough and there's something we can do about it but that thing is unattainable because what we're told to aspire to is unreal.


You know...it's easier said than done.

And obviously we all live under different circumstances.

But what I constantly remind myself is the fact that at the end of the day we all have a choice.

Yes, of course! There are extraneous variables around us that prevent us from taking those choices.

But we all need to remember whether you are male, female, young, old, rich, poor...we have a choice to choose whatever makes us happiest....


Sometimes, I know it's random...

For those of you out there...in your 20s, 30s...or mid 20s...

Know that it's okay to feel clueless...

Know that it's okay to not know what you wanna do in life...

Because you think that when you're in your 20s you can have everything figured out but you don't...

Like your 20s is the time to explore your passion, time for you to make mistakes, and it's a time for you to discover what you need in life and which directions you should head towards...


I think we are all gonna be somewhat clueless and it's up to us to have the determination, to keep pushing forward and keep overcoming every obstacle that comes before us because that's life....


If you don't experience any lows, you're never gonna appreciate the highs.

If you're never sad, you're never truly know what it feels like to be happy.


Just know that it's okay not to be okay...

Yes, that's a cliche statement...but cliche exists for a reason.

They exist because they're true.


And so if you feel lost.

If you feel hopeless.

Know that it's your choice to get out of that state of mind or get out of that emotional state.

If you decide to continue to feel that way for the rest of your life...

Know that it's your fault you're not actively trying to get out of it.

If you don't try, you're never gonna know whether you can overcome that obstacle or not.

Never gonna know if you can truly be happy.


You can't expect to just sit around and be sad and expect you'll be happy someday.

Everything requires assertiveness.

Everything requires hard work.

And I hear a lot of people say...oh...if you are this and this and this or that...you'll never feel any remorse and that's completely incorrect.

Completely false.


Because I feel like at the end of the day, we all have our own struggles whether it's internal or external.

And I myself have definitely gone through period where I felt unworthy.

Because it's only until recently I realized that my self-worth was based upon...uhmmm....tangible success...

Or you know what people think of me...for the longest time...


I think throughout my college life...probably until now...

Karena gagal masuk PTN that I applied for UI, UPI and Polman...all failed...

I was constantly trying to prove to people that I was not what they thought I was...

I was constantly trying to prove to people that I was smart.

I was constantly trying to prove to people that I was able to do X, Y, Z.

And that was extremely stressful.


Sometimes when I wasn't achieving things the way I wanted to...or you know...

Showing the best of what I could offer I would feel like really depressed...

I would feel like I had failed...even though obviously I wasn't...ha ha...

So...I've gone through very dark times...where I felt very underappreciated...

Very angry...

And I'm still going through it.

I can't help this feeling.


But then I realized I shouldn't be looking back...I should be looking forward...

Ha ha ha...maaf kalau gue menulis ini sambil menangis...

Maybe I'm not happy yet...

But I will one day...


Anyway, as I said earlier...at the end of the day...we need to be grateful...

We have everything we need...I truly do...

I know that I'm luckier than a large percentage of the world....

Or to put this into perspective...compared to those who beg on the streets...

Jangan kan mengeluh, makan aja masih mikir.

What they worry is what to put on the table for the next day...


People don't know that I go through these things because I have a tendency of not showing people how I really feel.

When it comes to negative emotions or sadness...

I like to give off this strong facade...happy big smile...

It's pretty hard for me to show vulnerability...

Because I don't like it...

I think it's because I've been trained...

I train myself through meditation and SUMI and Yoga...to control my emotions.

And not to let the bullies see that they've affected me...cause I don't wanna give them that satisfaction and unfortunately that habit has continued on to this day...

So until these days, it's very hard for me to showcase weakness or sadness...


On that note, I am very grateful for my experiences cause they made me who I am today.

I am glad that God put me through what I went through.

It has allowed me to find my passion and feel very inclined to empower and help those around me...

Semoga cita-cita membangun Panti Asuhan bisa terwujud...


There are many things that have traumatize me...especially harsh words...

But I've decided not to acquire a victim mentality...

Because you can't grow and you can't move forward if you feel victimized...

Uhmmm...that's a big reason why I don't like to show vulnerability...

Again, I shall not play the victim card...

Nobody likes that and you don't acquire strength by feeling like a victim...


To remind people just because you fail doesn't mean life's over....

The failure is actually part of the process...

If anything, kegagalan adalah batu loncatan untuk terbang lebih tinggi...

The failure is what allows you to learn.

It is what allows you to build a thicker skin AKA also build resilience...

And it what's gonna make you, I guess, more experienced in facing future obstacles...


So you know...if you fail you stand back up and you encounter another failure...

Just don't let it stop you...keep going...

Because if you stop after the next failure...

Then you are living a stagnant life...

And a stagnant life is a miserable life...

Because you can't evolve...

When you don't evolve your mindset won't change...

And as human beings, I guess, our minds are kinda cyclical...

Within that cycle we stop and we don't grow then...we're gonna be living a very mundane and boring life.

So just know that throughout life, I think, to the day we die, we're always gonna be encountering some sort of failure may it be in our career...may it be in our family life...may it be in our social life...may it be in our love life...


There's always gonna be some sort of failure that we're gonna encounter and we just gotta accept it.

And love it....

And when I say accept...

Again I don't mean accept and stand still and be stagnant...

What I meant was...accept it but then have the determination and willingness inside of you to do something about it...and then move forward...


If you see a rock in front of you on the street...

If you don't push it aside or get someone to help you push it aside, you're just gonna stand there and you're never gonna be able to cross...

Accept does not mean passivity...

Does not mean staying passive...

I think banyak orang yang mengartikan accept sebagai pasrah...

Sometimes people interchange the word menerima dan pasrah...

I don't believe in pasrah...

Never ever think that way...

What you need is...yes menerima but do something about it...


So for me...to get me centered I usually exercise...I do SUMI, some Yoga and some meditation as well...

Praying over my water before drinking it...

Also I do positive self-talk where I talk to myself about my goals and convince myself that I can achieve them all in one way or another...


Other than that... I usually remind myself...

Do I still have a roof over my head?...Yes

Can I still eat whenever I want?...Yes

Do I still have people around me whether it's a family or friend to talk to when I need to?...Yes

And if I have those 3...technically life is perfect...

And I don't need anything else...

When I keep reminding myself the difference between what I need and what I want...

And I think if people can distinguish between those 2 things, life can be a little easier...

Because it'll remind you that most of the things you see especially online isn't something you need...


Because as I wrote earlier, if you don't cater to your needs...

And if you don't nourish your soul and your mind and your heart...

How can you give your best to your loved ones?


To close this post...I think in order to help me thrive in this crazy world...

What I value the most from a person is:

  1. Honesty

  2. Trustworthiness

  3. Compassion

At the end of day, as human beings we are social creatures.

So we're meant to cater to one another...

Yes...we also need to focus on ourselves and prioritize ourselves but that's not the same as being selfish...

Prioritizing myself...I don't think is selfish...

Prioritizing ourselves means that we're trying to be the best version of ourselves...

So that we can help others who still feel incomplete or still feel like something's lacking...

And that's when the human element comes in...


We nourish ourselves...

We take care of ourselves...

We make sure that we're the best version of ourselves...

So that we can be that trustworthy, compassionate individual to others in our community...


Seperti Nivea ad...

~ It starts with you ~


I'm not endorsing the product but nonetheless the tag line is on point.

So...

Keep fighting everyone!


~ Jangan kasih kendor!

~ Be adventurous!

~ And be brave!


~Selamat tidur Jakarta ~

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