• Sagi Sagara

...

3 days ago I was contacted by one of my classmates back in college.

What started as a 5-minute convo became a 5-hour convo.

There has been a lot of changes.

Some of my friends got married.

Those crazy friends that were once child-like now have babies.

They have transformed into "Ibu-Ibu".

Those frantic boys have transformed as well into "Ayah".

People changed.

I changed.

They changed.

It got me thinking that in the short span of only 4 years - a lot has changed.

Reflecting on myself, I think that I might have changed as well.

My way of thinking has changed.

My way of seeing the world has changed.

My way of life has changed too.


Life comes at us fast.

Today.

Tomorrow.

When we least expect it.

Be ready. Be strong. Don't let your light be snuffed out.


During normal times, life is hectic - we have no time for reflection.


As we continue to practice physical distancing, the question of how to stay connected has come alive.

Texts, video calls and social media helps us to keep in touch with friends and loved ones around the world.


I don't even know what it is that I want to write.

It feels like I'm ranting about stuff in my head.

I don't feel that passion again in my life.


Things we didn't want to happen happen to all of us. A business deal falls through. A grade comes back that we didn't expect. A person we care about leaves us. Our instinct is to call these events unfortunate.


Which makes sense. It's fortunate when you get what you want, it's unfortunate when, for whatever reason, you don't. Right?


We're only harmed when our character is affected. We're only harmed when we let go of what we believe in or when we drop our own standards.


It might not be desirable to lose money or a friend, to fail at something or be criticized, but how does that make us unfortunate? We haven't been deprived of our ability to respond. Our character remains intact.


There's no rule that says you have to freak out about this...or shattered by it... or that you have to start getting anxious about the future. No, you're still in control. You're still YOU.


Nobody wants to go through hard times. We'd prefer that things go according to plan, that what could go wrong doesn't, so that we might enjoy our lives without being challenged or tested beyond our limits.


Unfortunately, that's unlikely to happen.


Which leaves us then with the question of what good there is in such difficulty and how we might - either in the moment or after the fact - come to understand what it is that we're going through...yesterday...today...tomorrow...


I am in the phase where I become very conscious of being anxious more than any other phase in my life.

A phase where again I start questioning...myself...

Am I going in the right direction?

Have I planned things right?

Sometimes I feel like...dying....

Just be dead and be done with life.

No more mean comments...

No more drama...

No more stress...

No more anxiety...

No more acting to cover up another acting...

No more Mondays...(In La La Land)

Okay...

Maybe I need to start reorienting my life...

Maybes...

Ifs...

I don't know...

I thought I might come to a solid conclusion of what to do to feel better.

I still don't feel better let alone relieved.

But...

Hopefully things will turn out well...

As with any other days that have happened...

I will just go on to live this life...

And I don't know yet which route to take...

Maybe life is all about moving ahead without specifically knowing where to go...

Maybe...I am still figuring myself out of what truly makes me fulfilled in life...

So maybe...

maybe...

maybe...


#anxious

#anxious

#anxious

Recent Posts

See All

Unnoticed

Noticing the little things... I'm grateful for the means to eat every day I'm grateful for the roof over my head I'm grateful for the pens and pencils to write with I'm grateful for the glass to drink

Clarity

Had a moment of clarity today. Stress is an inevitable part of life. It is the friction of the plates of our responsibility rubbing against each other. BUT... If stress is inevitable, anxiety and ange

This site was designed with the
.com
website builder. Create your website today.
Start Now